my second little sweet girl...
My lovely girl Nur Hanisah Afiqah n Nur Qistina Farzana
kasih ku tumpah untukmu tanpa sempadan dan ukuran. Pada mu kasihku tumpah jua, pada mu ku doakan agar kau jadi seorang muslimah sejati, pembimbing dan contoh pada adik-adik. Doaku sentiasa mengiringi perjalanan. Restuku bersama mu disepanjang hidup...
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Friday, December 14, 2012
NEW CHAPTER OF MY LIFE 1234h ACCORDING TO ISLAM CALENDAR
1234h
Everytime i still can remember about my late father. To hard for me...it is just like yesterday i saw my father. It's still fresh in my mind. I can't throw this feeling far from me. Subhanallah....it's to hurt...
People can say anything about this...for me i only have one father. Nobody can take his part in my life. Nobody can replace his place. His name will always with me until the end. To many things about my father i can not write. All is sweet memories....my tears always drop without anything if my father came into my mind.
Don't ask me or tell anything about my father. Because it's will make me cry. I know it's take a time for me to accept all this...my be one month or 2 months or...more than that.
YA ALLAH....ampunkanlah dosa-dosa bapa ku dan masukkanlah bapaku ke dalam golongan orang-orang yang beriman. AMIN YA RABBAL AL LAMIN...
Berilah aku kekuatan untuk menempuh segalanya ini...
Everytime i still can remember about my late father. To hard for me...it is just like yesterday i saw my father. It's still fresh in my mind. I can't throw this feeling far from me. Subhanallah....it's to hurt...
People can say anything about this...for me i only have one father. Nobody can take his part in my life. Nobody can replace his place. His name will always with me until the end. To many things about my father i can not write. All is sweet memories....my tears always drop without anything if my father came into my mind.
Don't ask me or tell anything about my father. Because it's will make me cry. I know it's take a time for me to accept all this...my be one month or 2 months or...more than that.
YA ALLAH....ampunkanlah dosa-dosa bapa ku dan masukkanlah bapaku ke dalam golongan orang-orang yang beriman. AMIN YA RABBAL AL LAMIN...
Berilah aku kekuatan untuk menempuh segalanya ini...
Sunday, November 25, 2012
LAST MEMORY....ISNIN 26 NOVEMBER 2012
Genap seminggu hari ini abah pergi meninggalkan kami semua. Pergi yang takkan kembali. Pergi yang tiada galang gantinya. Patah yang pasti takkan tumbuh kembali. Perginya bawa tawa kami. Perginya bawa khabar duga yang berpanjangan. Laranya bawa tandus menggersangkan jiwa. Pasrahnya aku menghadapi episod baru dalam hidup. Sukarnya menghapus air mata dan duka ini. Betapa saat ini aku sukar menggarap kata mengungkai segala yang tersirat dihati.
AL-FATIHAH buat abah setiap saatku. Andai jiwa rasa sarat dengan hiba....itu saja yang mampu aku lakukan tika ini.
Buat ADIK-ADIKKU tabahlah kalian, kuatkan semangat. Hidup harus diteruskan jua. Sepahit manapun kaki harus melangkah jangan sampai tersungkur. Buanglah sugul di wajah tika kalian menghadapi MAK. Jangan sampai hati tuanya menangis lagi. Belajar dari kehilangan ini...
19 November 2012 (Isnin)....My day start as usual. But today i need go to school because my duty start today. On the way...my heart feel someting...i think about my father. Yesterday my phone missing. So...i lost contact with everyone. When i reach in school,quickly i call my sister (k.ita) to inform her about my phone.. so...if anyting happend to my father she can call me at school. After i call her, a few minute later she called me back and asked me go to hospital AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. My tears running out without stop. I pray to Allah swt to give me a chance to see my father. But...everyting is done from Allah swt. It is to fast...everyting still in my mind.
Luluhnya hati saat aku lihat kain menutupi seluruh jasad abah. Aku tahu...bermula saat itu aku kehilangannya. Tiada lagi wajah tua abah untuk ku tatapi. Abah pergi ketika usianya 65 tahun. Seusia Rasulullah saw.
NO MATTER HOW TOUGH IT IS...BY HOOK OR BY CROOK...I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE NEW CHAPTER OF MY LIFE...
AL-FATIHAH buat abah setiap saatku. Andai jiwa rasa sarat dengan hiba....itu saja yang mampu aku lakukan tika ini.
Buat ADIK-ADIKKU tabahlah kalian, kuatkan semangat. Hidup harus diteruskan jua. Sepahit manapun kaki harus melangkah jangan sampai tersungkur. Buanglah sugul di wajah tika kalian menghadapi MAK. Jangan sampai hati tuanya menangis lagi. Belajar dari kehilangan ini...
19 November 2012 (Isnin)....My day start as usual. But today i need go to school because my duty start today. On the way...my heart feel someting...i think about my father. Yesterday my phone missing. So...i lost contact with everyone. When i reach in school,quickly i call my sister (k.ita) to inform her about my phone.. so...if anyting happend to my father she can call me at school. After i call her, a few minute later she called me back and asked me go to hospital AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. My tears running out without stop. I pray to Allah swt to give me a chance to see my father. But...everyting is done from Allah swt. It is to fast...everyting still in my mind.
Luluhnya hati saat aku lihat kain menutupi seluruh jasad abah. Aku tahu...bermula saat itu aku kehilangannya. Tiada lagi wajah tua abah untuk ku tatapi. Abah pergi ketika usianya 65 tahun. Seusia Rasulullah saw.
NO MATTER HOW TOUGH IT IS...BY HOOK OR BY CROOK...I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE NEW CHAPTER OF MY LIFE...
AL-FATIHAH BUAT ARWAH ABAH...
(KHAIERI BIN HAMDAN-SITI ROGAYAH)
Sunday, November 18, 2012
MY TEARS AND SADNESS
SUNDAY (18 NOVEMBER 2012)....4 days and 3 nights my father in HTAR. Today my father condition become weak. This morning the doctor told my sister (kak Ita), my father brain not functional n he is in coma. Start on Thursday until today I saw his progress going down. I feel like i will loose him for anytime...
ALLAH SWT lebih maha mengetahui....berhadapan dgn kenyataan yang pasti sgt pahit. Andai kehilangan yang harus dihadapi...aku pasrah. Kehilangan yang tiada galang gantinya. Sepahit mana jua pun harus ditelan andai itu dugaan Allah buat kami sekeluarga. Menghadapi abah ketika ini dalam keadaan koma amat memilukan hati. Ada sesal dan terkilan jauh menghuni didasar hati. Belajar untuk tidak menangis....tapi hati penuh dengan rasa yang sukar untuk digarapkan dengan kata-kata. Sekuat mana pun aku mengajar hati untuk tidak menangis aku tetap jua rebah...
ABAH...Perkataan ini mampu membuat dunia ku kelam seketika. Mampu membuat jiwaku lara. Aku tidak mampu membohongi hati andai perginye tidak mampu mengubat rasa rindu bertahun.
ALLAH SWT lebih maha mengetahui....berhadapan dgn kenyataan yang pasti sgt pahit. Andai kehilangan yang harus dihadapi...aku pasrah. Kehilangan yang tiada galang gantinya. Sepahit mana jua pun harus ditelan andai itu dugaan Allah buat kami sekeluarga. Menghadapi abah ketika ini dalam keadaan koma amat memilukan hati. Ada sesal dan terkilan jauh menghuni didasar hati. Belajar untuk tidak menangis....tapi hati penuh dengan rasa yang sukar untuk digarapkan dengan kata-kata. Sekuat mana pun aku mengajar hati untuk tidak menangis aku tetap jua rebah...
ABAH...Perkataan ini mampu membuat dunia ku kelam seketika. Mampu membuat jiwaku lara. Aku tidak mampu membohongi hati andai perginye tidak mampu mengubat rasa rindu bertahun.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE
14 November 2012...Rabu.
Today my day starts as usual....As a mother n a wife always busy with housework. Cooking, cleaning n everyting must done before i start my part time bisnes. Today i know i will busy until evening because i need to see somebody to help one of my group before the closing date in 18 November.
My work finish n done very smoothly. Thanks to Allah to make my life n job easy today. But Allah swt yg menentukan segalanye. Dia senangkan kerja yang aku lakukan bersama group hari ini tp ade dugaan yg lebih besar untuk ku.
In the evening....one of my sister send sms ' abah masuk hospital Sg.Buluh'. When i read...in my mind already knows what happend to my father. Because my father had hipertension n another one more sicknes. After solat maghrib i n my husband straight away go to Sg. Buluh Hospital. I saw my brother in law (abg zainal) n my sister (kak Gee) already there. I asked them about my father situasion...
'abah nk buat ct scan'....One of my sister (Rina) told me after she come out from the room. A few minute later we go inside emergency room. My father under control n i know he's okey because he can talk when i asked my father something about 'durian'. We waited outside when my father did the scan. Result from ct scan is okey. Nothing to worry. Sg.Buluh hospital send back my father to Tg.Karang hospital on that night. I know surely my father must stay in the wad for 1 or 2 days for obseversition.
Next morning....Thursday. I had another shocks because my father not admitted in the wad. Now my heart feel something wrong will be happend. But i throw far away to make my feel better. I told kak Gee if i go to her house it's my be take a time. Because her house n my house is to far. My sister says abg zainal go out. Few minute later she call me back n says abg zainal will send my father to HTAR. So i said ok... but i n my husband wait them in emergency area.
WHEN I SAW MY FATHER I FEEL VERY SAD BECAUSE HE CAN'T TALK AT ALL JUST MUMBLING AND HE UNSTABEL...
Today my day starts as usual....As a mother n a wife always busy with housework. Cooking, cleaning n everyting must done before i start my part time bisnes. Today i know i will busy until evening because i need to see somebody to help one of my group before the closing date in 18 November.
My work finish n done very smoothly. Thanks to Allah to make my life n job easy today. But Allah swt yg menentukan segalanye. Dia senangkan kerja yang aku lakukan bersama group hari ini tp ade dugaan yg lebih besar untuk ku.
In the evening....one of my sister send sms ' abah masuk hospital Sg.Buluh'. When i read...in my mind already knows what happend to my father. Because my father had hipertension n another one more sicknes. After solat maghrib i n my husband straight away go to Sg. Buluh Hospital. I saw my brother in law (abg zainal) n my sister (kak Gee) already there. I asked them about my father situasion...
'abah nk buat ct scan'....One of my sister (Rina) told me after she come out from the room. A few minute later we go inside emergency room. My father under control n i know he's okey because he can talk when i asked my father something about 'durian'. We waited outside when my father did the scan. Result from ct scan is okey. Nothing to worry. Sg.Buluh hospital send back my father to Tg.Karang hospital on that night. I know surely my father must stay in the wad for 1 or 2 days for obseversition.
Next morning....Thursday. I had another shocks because my father not admitted in the wad. Now my heart feel something wrong will be happend. But i throw far away to make my feel better. I told kak Gee if i go to her house it's my be take a time. Because her house n my house is to far. My sister says abg zainal go out. Few minute later she call me back n says abg zainal will send my father to HTAR. So i said ok... but i n my husband wait them in emergency area.
WHEN I SAW MY FATHER I FEEL VERY SAD BECAUSE HE CAN'T TALK AT ALL JUST MUMBLING AND HE UNSTABEL...
Saturday, October 20, 2012
MY HERO - MUHAMMAD HADIF DARRIUS
Hadif 2 months years old. Banyak ceritera suke duka semasa dia still in my tummy. Over due...last moment doc bg tau my baby is boy. So happy...senyum sampai ke telinga. Before tat i guees my baby still girl. Coz bile wat scan dia malu tk nk bg tengok. 
2 Januari 2008 my hero born. Now my boy 4 years old. Time goes very fast. Terasa usia ku jua semakin tua...hehehe...tua ke aku ni? angka tk memberi ape2 makna buat ku...but...one think...pengalaman mendewasakan kita. Aku menjadi lebih kuat dan tabah bila banyak dugaan yang ku lalui. Hati ku jua semakin keras. Kadang2 terasa terlalu lelah menghadapi ujian dunia. Yang pasti setiap yang datang ada hikmah dari Nya. Jatuh tersungkur dan bangun semula adalah lumrah hidup. Tak semestinye hidup yang dilalui manis selalu. Pasti ade pahit diantaranye. Barulah hidup berwarna-warni. Kadang2 jangan terlalu mengharap sesuatu diluar kemampuan diri. Bimbang andai jatuh tak mampu untuk bangun semula. Sepayah mane pun kaki harus melangkah jangan sesekali menyalahkan takdir. Redha dan terus berusaha adalah jalan yang sebaiknye.
18 Oktober 2012 it's a big day for my hero. Concert Day....time for my hero to show his talent. I'm so proud of him coz he try his best to sings a medley of songs and try to dance. I know hadif happy coz his sisters come over to see his dancing. On the way back home....i heard them talking about the concert. Qistina said...hadif u do a good job today. Nnt kakak nak tengok lagi hadif dancing masa 5 dengan 6 tahun. Mantapla hadif dancing...
This is a first year for my hero go to school. He learn so many things. He knows his responsibilty as a student. Went his came back from the school, he knows he got homework to do n he must read his reading book 'PETER AND JANE'.
Year end open day....Hadif told my husband...papa esok ade open day sekolah abang...so my husband asking me...what time the open day is over? i said, around 12 afternoon.The next day i didn't bring him to school. I told his teacher Hadif father may be will come to see his progress. until 12 o'clock my husband didn't come coz he has work to do. Went i'm come back from the school i didn't tell him about tat.
Last day is a party day...everybody will come n bring some junk foods n syer with everyone. Went he sees his teacher he asked his teacher about open day....papa abang datangkan teacher? So...the teacher asking me how to answer his question. To be a safe i asked the teacher to lie...i feel so sad n guilty.
I told my husband tis story.....i said to him 'tu la abang...lain kali jgn buat camni,kesian dia kecik lagi'
I know my husband also feel so guilty. But it's over...
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Nur Hanisah Afiqah
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setulus kasih...
semanis madu...
buat mu permata hati ku...tiada kata yg dapat ku garapkan...
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Nisya....panggilan manja for my first daughter. 16 Jun 2002 adalah hari yg membahagiakan kerana bermula saat tu aku bergelar ibu. Nisya seorang yang agak pendiam dan suka memendam rasa. Jarang sekali dia suarakan apa yang terbuku di hati. Dia lebih suka menjadi pemerhati. Suka melukis dan membaca buku-buku komik dan novel kanak-kanak. Setiap kali aku membawanya ke kedai buku atau pesta buku dia akan memilih buku yg berkaitan masakan dan novel seusianye. Kadang-kadang dia ingin membantu ku di dapur...tapi aku jarang membenarkannye kerana usia terlalu mentah untuk membantu ku. Nisya sukar untuk meluahkan rasa dan cerita. sifatnye itu agak membimbangkan diriku...lebih-lebih lagi dengan zaman yang mencabar. Bimbang aku tidak mampu jadi ibu yang baik untuknye...bimbang aku tidak mampu membimbingnye dan aku bimbang andai aku tidak mampu beri yang terbaik untuk permata hati ku ini....
Terlalu banyak yang ingin aku lakukan untuknye....kadang-kadang aku rasakan aku seperti terlalu keras membimbing. Nisya tidak pernah membantah setiap keputusan yang aku tentukan untuknye. Walaupun kadang-kadang aku bertanye kepadanye dahulu.
Aku belajar untuk menjadi ibu yang perfect untuk mereke. Dan aku belajar dari kesilapan yang aku lakukan. Moga Allah swt memberiku jalan yang mudah untuk menjadi ibu dan pembimbing kepada permata hatiku.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
DOAKU...
Doaku....
Hari ni dan seterusnya doa yang ku panjatkan kepada Ilahi adalah sama....yang pasti aku tidak pernah jemu memohon...kerana aku tahu Allah tidak zalim.
Berpegang kepada janji-Nya sama ada doa itu dimakbulkan oleh-Nya di dunia lagi atau disimpan. Iaitu doa tersebut Allah swt tak perkenankan di dunia tetapi Allah swt tukar kepada bentuk pahala di akhirat kelak.
Hari ni dan seterusnya doa yang ku panjatkan kepada Ilahi adalah sama....yang pasti aku tidak pernah jemu memohon...kerana aku tahu Allah tidak zalim.
Berpegang kepada janji-Nya sama ada doa itu dimakbulkan oleh-Nya di dunia lagi atau disimpan. Iaitu doa tersebut Allah swt tak perkenankan di dunia tetapi Allah swt tukar kepada bentuk pahala di akhirat kelak.
Secebis rasa
Sewaktu dulu aku suka mencoret rasa di mana saja. Seperti itulah dunia ku...kini aku kembali semula untuk hidup dalam rasa dan nukilan. Beberapa hari lalu seorang teman menghantar satu pesanan ringkas....if i feel free...go to her blog...
something is there yang buat aku rasa seperti satu 'kehilangan'
Sesungguhnya apa saja yang datang dlm hidup ini ada hikmahnya....Allah tidak akan menduga dan menguji seseorang itu seandainya dia tidak mampu untuk menghadapi...
Inilah perjalanan yang aku tempuhi....hanya DIA yang maha mengetahui.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
secoret kisah hari ini
Bismillah....itulah ayat pertama sebelum melakukan apa2 pekerjaan. Seawal pagi aku dah bangun untuk memulakan aktiviti yang dirancang semalam...namun sudahnye cancel sbb Allah tak mengizinkan. Aku redha...mungkin rezeki tak de....walau ape pun mesti sentiasa positif.
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